I hope you had a great weekend. Anyone else have today off for Martin Luther King Jr. Day?
I’m sooo enjoying one more day to relax before this busy semester begins!!
Okay. So today I want to talk about something a little bit more serious. I’ve never addressed it on my blog, because I think until recently, I was sort of in denial about it. I want to explain to you guys a little bit more about why exactly I decided to transfer home from my school in Chicago and why I wasn’t happy there.
Here’s a little bit of background:
When I was a senior in high school, I was so anxious to get out of Colorado and experience something entirely new. I had lived in the same town, the same house for nearly 18 years, and felt I needed an adventure.
my best girlfriends from high school
I had great friends, a wonderful high school experience, and lots of good memories. But we were all ready to just move on and do our own thing. So I didn’t even apply to one college in state.
When I first visited the university I attended in Chicago, I totally fell in love with the city.
The idea of living in such a big city after growing up in a fairly small town absolutely thrilled me. It was an easy decision to move to Chicago, and things seemed to line up perfectly.
I met several friends right away…
And of course I met this guy…
Everything seemed to be going exactly as I imagined.
When I went back to Chicago for my sophomore year, a lot of things had changed. One of my closest friends had decided to transfer back to her home in Ohio, and I realized that I didn’t have much in common with any of the people that I met.
As I became more and more interested in living a healthy lifestyle and working out, it seemed that my friends fell further into the typical college lifestyle. I liked to go to bed early so that I could get up early and hit the gym; they were more interested in late nights of partying and sleeping in the next day.
The “college” lifestyle has really just never been something that I feel like I fit in to. And I think the more they got into it, the more I rebelled against it.
Pretty soon, my two real friends were Ryan and the gym at school. I worked out at least once or twice a day, mostly because that is really the only thing I really enjoyed doing. Ryan was always pretty busy with baseball, so I would spend the nights that we weren’t together running on a treadmill, taking a spin class, or doing some yoga.
At that time, I was training for my first half marathon and I became totally obsessed.
Before I knew it, working out and training became my number one priority. I would even occasionally get irritated if Ryan wanted to hang out and it interfered with my workout plans.
I also didn’t realize that since the amount of time I was working out was increasing a ton, my calorie intake should have been increasing as well.
I was always focusing on eating really healthy, like I always had, but I was probably only eating around 1500 calories a day, sometimes less. And I definitely never did the late night taco bell runs or midnight pancake making that my roommates loved.
I didn’t have a scale, so I didn’t realize that I had lost quite a bit of weight since the start of the school year. What I should have realized is that I didn’t feel great. I felt really depressed, really moody, and fairly low energy most of the time. I also hadn’t gotten a visit from mother nature in several months. I also should have realized that when I got injured, it meant that I hadn’t been treating my body right. Instead, I just attributed it to the fact that runners often get injured. No big deal, right?
When my mom came to Chicago in February to surprise me for my birthday, she immediately knew something was wrong and told me that she was worried about me. I just attributed her concern to the fact that she’s a mom. They always overexaggerate, right? Ryan had told me a few times that I looked really thin, but once again, I dismissed his concern.
After a long and hard decision of going back on forth about the pros and cons of transferring, I decided that it would be best for me to just move home. I was definitely struggling with depression and really missed my friends and family in Colorado.
Honestly, I was shocked to realize that when I moved home, I only weighed 96 pounds.
Granted, I am a fairly small girl naturally. I’m only 5’2″ and come from a family of tiny women with small bones. But 96 pounds was definitely underweight. No wonder I hadn’t been feeling good!
Anyways, you guys know the rest of the story! I moved home and have been doing great. From the time that I moved home until now, I have gained nearly 10 pounds. I have come to realize that when you work out daily, you don’t need to be super strict with what you eat.
I still enjoy eating healthy foods, and tend to choose veggies over cheeseburgers more often than not.
But I’ve also learned the importance of giving into my cravings. Occasionally, you just need to eat a burger with grandpa!
Now, I feel better, I look healthier, and I learned a lot during the last year.
It was such a relief that over this Christmas season, I could feel totally fine taking a few days off of working out that I could eat whatever I wanted. I finally feel like I honestly have my priorities straight.
I got together with my highschool girlfriends over break…
…and I happy enjoyed appetizers and desserts, totally guilt free.
I spent amazing time with my boyfriend and my sister who live so far away without feeling bummed out or resentful that I was not getting a good workout in every single day.
And I’m happy to say that I owe a lot of this to you guys.
I owe a huge thank you to all of the amazing bloggers who’ve shown me that women can be strong, confident athletes without constantly obsessing over what they eat or missing a workout.
I’m sorry that I haven’t talked about this before, and I’m sorry it’s a bit of a heavy subject out of nowhere. But I really admire how you guys are all so honest with me, so I felt convicted to return the favor!
Have you ever realized that you had unknowingly been hadn’t been treating your body with the respect it deserves?
Ever gotten injured because you were overdoing the exercise and underdoing the nutrients??
Thanks for all of your support. Love you guys!!